List Categories | List All Articles | List Articles By Title
The other day, I indulged in one of my many guilty pleasures. Specifically, I watched a programme called "Face Lifts From Hell."
Like many factual programmes, you can learn a little something from "Face Lifts from Hell", and tonight I took away this little nugget: It's not immigrants or asylum seekers that are putting a drain on the national health service. It's idiots from this country.
One woman on tonight's programme (and I don't want to appear misogynistic, but there were no men featured; draw your own conclusions) went on a surgery holiday. The basic premise is that you go on a package trip with a group of other desperate people, and they cart you off to Poland to have various bits of your anatomy sucked, snipped, sliced and tightened.
This woman, who, due to numerous face-lifts, looked like she was constantly hurtling forwards at about 97 miles an hour, had some sort of breast-enhancement and, after surgery, was taken to a small apartment in a block with all the other patients and left there to recuperate. She was essentially dumped in a flat in Poland and left to her own devices with a group of equally vacuous and recently-mutilated women.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, she contracted an infection.
She then came back to the UK and, at a cost of £5,000, had to have things fixed. (Her bosom was left comically lopsided, to my great amusement, but this is a serious point. Ironically, a serious point is also what one of her boobs was left with.)
If this was an isolated case I could let the matter go, but the entire programme was like a hit parade of idiots who now had bodies as defective looking as their brains almost certainly are.
One woman - I swear this is the truth - was talked into cosmetic surgery by a travelling face-lift salesman. I'm not making this up. Someone came to this woman's door and convinced her to get a face-lift she didn't really want. I have enough trouble figuring out how my dad always seems to end up with windows and bank accounts he didn't have any intention of aquiring after someone knocks on the door, but how in the name of all that is holy can you even consider listening to someone who goes door to door trying to convince people to be drugged to unconsciousness so that a stranger can slice into them and pull their skins on tighter?! Am I the only one who would hear alarm bells ringing in my head if this happened to me?! Possibly, yes, as this woman leapt at the chance and was genuinely surprised when things ended in tears.
Another woman travelled from Turkey for liposuction, and woke up a week later in a different hospital with what can only be described as a seam. She now looks like you could unzip her and keep pencils in her stomach. Apparently the surgeon, who, wouldn't you know it, had a history of this sort of thing, botched the operation, severed an artery, and had to rush her to a (stop me if you see this coming) NHS hospital for treatment.
While I'm ranting, I may as well mention the lap dancer who wanted her breasts increased from a B cup to a C. She woke up with an F (am I the only one who pictures her relatives standing around with deeply interested looks and yelling "SURPRISE!" as she comes to?) and as a result could no longer lap-dance. Not to fear. She's since become a teacher. Perhaps this goes some way to explaining the state of the education system, too, but that's another story.
Our penultimate contestant tonight was a heavy smoker with a heart condition (who, funnily enough, was starting to look a little aged.) She was, to be charitable, nothing special to look at anyway. She also happened to neglect to mention her heavy smoking and heart problems to her surgeon, and ended up having a stroke from the stress of the procedure. What a shocker.
However, our prize winner tonight was a woman who had two children and put on weight (she actually put on the equivalent amount of weight of two ten-year-old children, by my calculation) and was offered a stomach reduction and lyposuction on (just the girls! People on the left! All together!) the NHS. Her operation wound became infected, and she contracted gangrene. But this isn't the end of the story. Oh no. After three days, she was allowed home, and was, in her own words, in agony. She then suffered several fits. This, I'm sure you'll agree, is where most of us would plan a return to the hospital. Instead, without going into the exquisite and mind-numbingly sickening detail she indulged in, she waited a further five days (with her condition becoming progressively worse) and nearly died.
Now, is it me, or is there a pattern, here? From what I can see, the sort of people who have cosmetic surgery are the same sort of people who travel to a Polish ghetto for operations, accept advice from travelling facelift salesmen, who don't think that mentioning your liability to have a heart attack mid-operation is anything to trouble your doctor with, and decide that having a series of fits following an operation should be considered a "wait and see" sort of situation.
People who go in for cosmetic surgery, by and large, are stupid.
Now, I'm not for a moment suggesting that there aren't good reasons. If you've been burned or damaged in some severe way that wasn't your fault, or if your body really does look terrible for whatever reason, I can understand the desire to do something about it. Otherwise, here's a pretty solid, iron-clad law of physics from someone who was a straight C student in science: People get older!! Believe it or not (you probably will, I'm quite dull) you've aged since you started reading this. Yeah, you. You, there, in the chair, looking at the screen with the slightly slack-jawed expression you didn't realise you adopted when you read things.
Most people just accept it and move on with things.
If you can't, here's the first of my tips: Stop smoking. Without exception, every single woman of 50-something I've ever seen cram her flabby, drooping body into an outfit far too low, high, tight and stretchy for her has also had a cigarette in her mouth. And too much makeup, but one thing at a time. If you want to stay young-looking, stop poisoning your lungs and skin with nicotine. It'll do you wonders.
Secondly, here's my tip for losing weight without having to have a vacuum cleaner inserted into any orifices or incisions. It's a simple equation: Less food, more exercise. Or, even, equal it out. Exercise proportionate to how much you're eating. Keep an eye out for this, you'd be surprised how many fat people seem oblivious to this law.
As soon as people start to accept that shit (and age) happens, and begin to look after themselves, they'll stop being a drain on the NHS from their botched face-lifts ("Who knew 'Crazy Achmed' wasn't a reputable surgeon?!") and everyone else with real injuries might get some frigging treatment.
This, more than anything else, is the problem with the world today. Years of increased convenience (remember when you had to walk to a certain part of the house just to make a phone call?!) has left western humanity softer than an impotent marshmallow and just desperate for someone or something to blame, and for someone or something else to fix it. "I'm 50 and don't look as good as I did at 19! There must be someone to blame and some procedure I can have!" It's just going to happen, people, and until we all start to face up to the simple and oft-overlooked fact that life has a habit of sucking, we'll never get anywhere. And the people who can't accept that, of course, also can't accept it when their desperate, sad attempts to beat the cosmic house fail, and so they complain about that. I guess, at the end of the day, I'm trying to get across a simple message: You were the one who chose to have that operation, madam, and if it doesn't turn out well, there's nobody to blame but yourself.
Incidentally, I have another weight loss tip. If you can't bear to exercise and cut back on what you eat, just smoke yourself thin. You'll look old, but I can give you the number of a really good plastic surgery salesman. Honest. He's just knocking on the door, now...
Is Your Bad Mood Causing Skin Breakouts?
Your skin tells a lot about you. Someone who looks at your face can often tell if you haven't had enough rest, if you've been slacking on your diet, or if you moisturize regularly.
Cancer in Your Shampoo?
You may be amazed to discover that some of the common ingredients found in everyday personal care products are known to be potential carcinogens. Read the warning labels!It has been a widely held belief that our skin protects us, like a barrier, against potentially harmful chemicals that we would not ordinarily eat or drink.
10 Important Sunless Tanning Safety Tips
If you are a sunless tanner, your skin's health is very important to you. Here are some tips for you to review at your leisure and share with your friends and family.
Short Hair Style? Make It Stylish, Sexy, and Chic
In all of its transformations and variations, the short hair style has always been numbered at the top of the list when it comes to versatility, style and manageability. No other style catches the eye quite like the short hair style and no other style makes the wearer look as professional, chic and sexy as the short hair styleShort hair styles worn by women are a fairly new style trend when compared with women's hair styles in general.
Sugar Sweet Beauty
In the self-care and beauty industry, the latest craze is to include sugar in skin care products. If you search the internet you will find everything from sugar body scrubs to sugar hair removers.
Hyaluronic Acid Injections Increase Visibility with Supermodel Spokesperson
Hyaluronic acid products are poised to continue their fast growth, particularly in the form of hyaluronic acid injections, according to E-Hyaluronicacid.com.
Contact Lens Cases - Caring For Them The Right Way
A patient of mine called me a few weeks ago complaining that her eyes were hurting. I told her to come by the office and I would check her out.
Detoxification and your skin
Learn to help your body glow from the inside out. Nourish it with foods that are pure and natural.
Generally, chemical peels can be arranged into three categories of light, medium and deep. Light peels are used to help dry skin, acne, liver spots, sun spots, diminish fine facial wrinkles and pore size and improve overall skin texture.
Finding your way : Tanning Bed Tips
Looking to get a great tan for yourself? Wanna do it without the oppressive heat of the sun? If your answer is yes to both questions, its time you discovered the wonders of the indoor tanning beds or home tanning beds to give you that sexy bronzed look that you always wanted. And what better way to help your experience than getting to know some ultimate tanning bed tips and tanning bed facts to get the best out of your indoor tanning beds.
The Manicure - More than Pretty Nails!
Pretty and well cared for hands are more than a delight to the eye. In the business world the two things often considered the most important in presenting yourself, are a good pair of shoes and well-groomed hands.
When Beauty Tries to Compensate For Self Esteem
We all strive for a beautiful and healthy body. This not only makes our hearts come alive but it keeps us alive and vibrant.
A Look At Tooth Whiteners
All we see on television in the movies is bright white smiles. With the release of several over the counter teeth whitening products over the past few years, it can be hard to know which one is going to give you the Hollywood smile that you dream about.
The Maharishi Ayurveda Approach to Beauty and Skin Care with Nancy Lonsdorf M.D.
"Every person is born perfect. Inferiority is a mistake of the mind, a cloud covering the light.
Commercial Tanning Beds: An Overview
Commercial tanning beds come in two basic formats. Horizontal tanning beds are the tanning beds you most often see in both residential and commercial settings.
Slather On That Tanning Bed Lotion
Tanning bed lotions abound. How do you choose from all the tanning bed lotions available?There are tanning bed lotions that are in cream form.
What You Need To Know About Tanning Beds
Tanning beds and sun lamps provide the ultimate in relaxation and beauty! No more worries about the weather, how crowded the beach is, and if you've got enough time to soak up those rays. You can get that perfect tan when ever it's convenient for you, morning, noon, or night.
Bariatric Surgery Contributes to Rise in Body Contouring Procedures in Michiana
Elkhart, IN - A newly released report from the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (ASAPS) details statistics and consumer attitudes toward cosmetic surgery in Indiana, and many of the numbers mirror similar trends in Michiana, according to Dr. Ronald Downs and Dr.
USA and Canada in the Top of Indoor Tanning Products
In United States of America and Canada, indoor tanning products are very usual. Moreover, the indoor tanning businesses have appreciably grown in the last 25 years and are still increasing, getting more and more sophisticated.
7 Essential Beauty Tips
BeautyBeauty is defined as the phenomenon of the experience of pleasure, through the perception of balance and proportion of stimulus. It involves the cognition of a balanced form and structure that elicits attraction and appeal towards a host, creature, inanimate object, scene, music, idea, etc.
home | site map
All articles are copyright to their owners.
Note: this website lists articles, We do not Write Articles !