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Dating Advice: Should You Play With Madness?
I have a friend with a big problem, a guy who needs good dating advice badly. All the women he dates are dysfunctional, and he can't figure out why. Actually, most of the women he dates aren't merely dysfunctional, they're psychotic.
In fact, when came to me for some dating advice, he told a story about the last woman he dated, how she literally stalked him for three months after their relationship ended, one day calling him a "Nazi," the next calling him the sweetest guy on earth. It got so bad he decided to sell his house and move out of state. No joke, this is a true story.
However, this is NOT the first woman like this he's dated. In fact, most women he's dated are like this. Now, you might think this guy is bad looking and broke, a complete loser who just can't "do any better." The truth, though is this: the guy's 6'2", in good shape, could pose for GQ, and does very well financially. And, he can be a fun, witty guy to hang out with. Why then, did this guy come to me for dating advice?
There are actually several answers to this question (and we don't have time to cover all of them today), but many of them have to do with what's called "map/model of the world," both his and theirs. We'll talk about his in a later episode-for now, just realize your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. Obviously he's got some work to do on his inner world, and he is taking my dating advice seriously, but for now let's talk about map/model of the women he dates.
Just what is "map/model" of the world, and how will this help your dating? It's simply how each individual human being views the world-the sum total of our internal representations. Let me give you an example that will clarify this. Let's say you and I are listening to the radio and a particular song comes on. You hate it, but I like it. Why? Because we both have different maps/models of the world. Although the "input" (in this case the song) was exactly the same, the "output" (our reaction to the song) was different. Our "maps" create the differing output. How we view the world is different. How each man responds to my dating advice is different.
When you're screening women to see if they're worth spending time with, you want to uncover as much of their map/model of the world as possible. Why? Because how they've behaved in the past (based on their map/model of the world) is how they will behave in the future. And if the past behavior they've exhibited is bad, their future behavior will be worse. (Take my dating advice on this one!)
When my friend told me during this dating advice session about his experience with this "crazy woman" I asked how they met, what she said to him. It took me 15 minutes of listening to him for me to determine, simply based on what she said to him, that she was a "nonstarter", someone I would NEVER start a dating relationship with. Why? Because she'd described several instances of psychotic/stalking behavior in past relationships. But, since he wasn't actively uncovering her map/model of the world, and making decisions based on it, he got into a horrible relationship. I would have avoided dating her completely.
So just how do you uncover a woman's map? By asking, "elicitation questions" and actively listening. You want to look for common patterns of behavior that reoccur in her past relationships. Awhile back I met a woman online and we met at Town Lake here in Austin for a walk. As we walked, I simply asked her about her online dating experiences. Over and over she said, "oh he kept following me, but he was a loser." Then I asked her about her relationships, and she kept talking about how guys "cheated on her all the time." How did she know they were cheating, I asked? Well, she said, because I would drive by their houses, and strange cars would be in the driveway. My dating advice to anyone who exhibits this attitude is... don't walk, run!
Now, if I'd pursued ANY type of dating relationship with this woman, what do you think the outcome would have been? She would have driven by my house, looking for "strange cars" and then she would have accused me of "cheating." And then she would have come to my place of work at odd hours to "confront me." Why? Because that's what she did with all the guys who "cheated on her."
Obviously I never met with her again, even though she was cute. But many guys not heeding this very important nugget of dating advice would have, because they were paying attention to looks, not uncovering her map or model of the world. And the next six months of their lives would have been HELL.
Listening for map/model of the world is a valuable skill to develop, and some of the best dating advice I can give anyone. You will find that uncovering someone's map of the world will save you much frustration. So? I've got some homework for you guys. As you go throughout your day tomorrow, actively listen for
other people's maps. Get them to tell you stories, and listen for recurring patterns of behavior, both good and bad. Develop this skill, and utilize it, and you'll be able to avoid a lot of heartache, and enjoy a lot of pleasure.
Does Internet Dating Work?
What's the Number One Question that Everyone Asks About CyberDating?Everyone -- and that included YOU! -- wants to know: "Does Internet Dating Work?"Well, I KNOW it works, and in the best possible way, because I met my husband Drew on Match.com in May 1998.
A guide for being single in Mimasaka, Okayama Prefecture
"A Tsuyama singles scene?" scoffs single Mimasaka resident Hiroyiki Matsuda. "There isn't one.
How to Attract Girls Even If Youre Short
Let me mention a few names and you can tell me what they all have in common: - Al Pacino - Humphrey Bogart - Napoleon That's right..
Christ-Centered Life on Dating
In a contemporary Christian world, there is a hidden reality that believers today set aside some of the moral issues regarding dating and relationships. The tradition and belief of early Christians that is supposed to be adopted by every believers of every generation is vanishing in an alarming rate.
Safe Cyber Dating
Cyber dating is one of the most popular dating venues these days. No longer is it necessary to go to the bar down the street to find a date.
Relationship Red Flags You Shouldnt Avoid
All relationships are clearly not meant to be. Only a few really deserve your time and your efforts.
What You Must Know About Dating a Non Christian
Inevitably, when the topic of dating comes up among Christian teens, the question that always seems to come up is, "Can I date a non-Christian?"Most of the time, the typical verse that is used to answer their question is 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, which says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?"Knowing that you aren't supposed to date non Christians is one thing, but actually understanding why the Lord doesn't want you to date and marry a non Christian is another matter, so let's look some of the reasons why you aren't supposed to date an unbeliever.
True Love And Chemistry: Exploring Myth And Reality
When you think about the qualities found in a true "soul mate" relationship, what one word comes up most often on the top of your list?Is it CHEMISTRY? Probably.Just the mention of this term conjures up powerful feelings and images for anyone who has ever been in or seeking a love relationship.
How to Find True Love Quickly And Easily
How often do you find yourself wishing you could find true love?Unfortunately, you're not alone. With millions of singles out there, why is it so hard for most singles to find true love? It's just human nature.
Attract the Love of Your Life
Have you heard about the technique Olympic athletes use to help them win gold medals?In addition to conventional practice, they do some critical mental work as well. They close their eyes and "see" themselves making the winning basket, being first across the finish line, etc.
Dating Tips that Work- Which of the Three Types of Women Should You be Dating?
When most "dating gurus" and sex therapists spout their dating tips, they often complicate the whole process with unusable theory and psychobabble.I'm going to bypass that, make it brain-dead simple for you, and most importantly, reveal a few dating tips you can apply in the real world.
Is Somebody Interested In You?
How can you tell if a somebody is interested in you?I am asking you this because if you wish to any control of your dating life, your personal life, and even your business life. You should know how to read people.
Find Reputable Internet Dating Services That Want To Earn Your Trust
Internet dating services are popping up online like dandelions in the spring, and sometimes for a newcomer, it's hard to recognize which ones are the reputable dating sites that are willing to offer you the best Internet dating service to earn your trust, and which ones are out to take your money with false promises!In order to find an online dating site that you will be comfortable with, you have to visit each one individually online, view their services, and hopefully the information they provide makes you feel at ease!How do you know if one particular dating service is more genuine over the other dating services? At first you don't know, because you're relying on their written sales jargon!When you land on their page it looks nice and fancy, and it shows lots of single members with beautiful photos, and well written profiles, but do you ever ask yourself, is that person's photo real, were the relationships posted true, or is this a way to entice you to join?If the above questions are a concern to you, then you have to do your research, read and fully understand their policy and privacy statements, and most of all go with your gut instincts if something doesn't sound right!Most of the top dating relationship sites offer free dating services such as free personals, and free matchmaking to secure your trust, but they also make it clear that they provide more advanced services for their online members with many options and secure features.So for any reason you stumble on a so-called free dating web site, make sure you find out where they are getting money to support their dating business.
Finding Compatible E-Dates
In the world of online dating misrepresentation is at an all time high. Janice, a fitness enthusiast, was excited about her e-mail exchange with Rob.
Adult Dating: Friend or Foe - Your Sex Life and the Internet!
There was a time when finding a date, partner, lover or playmate online was frowned upon. It was for people who couldn't get a date any other way! Oh how things have changed?not only can you sign up to a site listing thousands of singles who match your height, size, location and taste in food?now you can choose your sex partners too.
Next to your internal mindset (which should be relaxed, confident, and sexual), body language is the most important aspect when it comes to dating women.Why? Because an estimated 67% to 93% of human communication (according to university researchers) is non-verbal, and your body language reveals your internal emotional state.
Online Dating Secret
There is a simple online dating secret that can save you a lot of time and energy!This will prevent you from losing interest and focus on meeting women online.This will save you money and heartache?OK, OK, what is it you ask?Here it is for FREE, to you from Mick Jones, Author of 'How To Meet Women On The Internet'When I first started dating online I made a BIG mistake?I emailed contacts for MONTHS before meeting them.
Online Dating Service! Is Matchmaking On The Internet Right For You?
Online dating service! Is it right for you? That would be the question if you're reading this right now and asking yourself, why am I still single, and how do I find someone compatible for me? You may have tried everything from dating in the local community, or you may have also tried one of the local dating services all without success!Now that you may be frustrated and ready to give up, the computer era opened the doors to dating online, and has given you hope once again! This option meets many needs, because several people have roadblocks in their lives, and are searching for an avenue to express their feelings without having to put all their energy on the line in person.What are these roadblocks you ask? As an individual you will have different events in your lives that prevent you from finding and developing good relationships.
Teen Dating, Things To Think About
Are you a teen who is dating? Are you a pre teen who is thinking they would like to start dating? Or, are you a parent of one of these teens? Are you worried about what to expect, what to do and how to react to your date? One of the most important things to remember about teen dating is that it is just that, teen dating not a life long relationship type date. Now, before you teens get upset; think about how your teen dating experiences are going to play out.
Internet Dating - It's Not For Geeks
Six months ago an old school friend and I were chatting over coffee, putting the world to rights as women do. She was bemoaning her lack of success in meeting the "right sort" of men.
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