List Categories | List All Articles | List Articles By Title
Im Looking for Mr. Right, Am I Too Picky?
Many of my clients that I coach are single and looking for that one perfect mate that is going to understand and love them. Most of these clients are in their 20's 30's or early 40's. Because I work as a business consultant and coach, the people I come into contact with are usually people who are open to self growth. This causes a whole new level of understanding that the clients must acknowledge.
First of all, a few of them are using the traditional dating services. Since none of them are arrogant, they can't seem to get their Ideal Mate qualities across in a way that doesn't make them sound better than others. So, I'm helping my clients to "package" themselves in a way that is factual and fun. It's what good attorneys do when they are trying to win a case. It's what agents do when they are trying to sell an entertainer to the public. It's what a publicist does when their company is in trouble.
Pitch the best and most qualities first. Quick, fast and easy.
Example: Claire is a 34 year old stylish, single mom, due to the death of her spouse 3 years ago. She's lived all (or traveled) over the country and is a successful entrepreneur who sells her services to top notch corporate types. She's interested in connecting with an individual who is competent in the area of finances, relationships and travel. She's not out to save anyone, but wants to enjoy the finer things of life along with the simple pleasures of life.
Okay, this knocks out anyone who is not ambitious about life. It pretty much takes out the old fashioned man who wants his wife to stay at home to cook, clean and take care of the kids. It also makes a requirement of their finances.. that they are successful.
Why is this important? My clients have found so many "wonderful and nice" people in dating pool. And yet they wonder why they aren't falling in love with these "super nice" people. They beat themselves up because they are passing through the many people like water that are presented to them.
I have explained to the majority of my clients that if they are the type of person who does self development, therapy, goes to classes, is a continual learner, reads to grow or learn, (not just romance novels), updates their skills on a regular basis, gets involved with causes or charity, works out their bodies, nurtures their relationship with God, has good relationships with their friends and family, THEN THEY ARE A 5%er. THEY ARE DIFFERENT. THEY ARE SPECIAL. AND THEY WON'T BE SATISFIED WITH JUST THE AVERAGE OL' JOE.
Most people just don't have the time OR WANT to grow themselves. They are content with who they are. They are content with what they've been given in life. They're in the same job that they'll have forever. They don't need to stretch. They don't need to learn. They are fine how they are.
We all know people like this! They make nice friends. They are predictable. They are usually reliable. They're usually available. Nothing changes. Not their tastes, not their attitudes (for better or for worse) and not their circumstances.
Is it my clients? NO! The people I coach or who come to my workshops and seminars are people of ACTION. They are people who seek growth opportunity and ways to stretch. That's why they won't be satisfied with just a "nice guy. Or a super nice gal." It won't CHALLENGE them. They won't look up to them. They won't have the respect that one desires in a committed relationship.
If you are a 5 %er or a 1%er. ? then give yourself a break! You probably AREN'T going to find your perfect mate in your own back yard. You MIGHT of course, and I would love to hear from you if you have. But feel free to look more on a national basis. Ask your friends in other cities who they know. When you travel, be open to meeting people on the planes or in airports. Sit in first class when ever you can so you get to meet others who are flying first class.
Be open to adventure! Go on vacation with friends and see who is there. Go on a cause oriented work vacation to see who you can meet. Take a bicycle trip across the country or Europe to meet others who don't only seek friends in their own back yard.
Many of my friends married men or women from other countries. Many are married to people they met when moving to a larger city. While there are sometimes cultural differences, and traditional issues that they deal with, they also are exposed to a whole new way of life. New customs, new attitudes and new places. These can be exciting things for a person who likes to learn new things.
I met my own husband on the internet in a chat room about 10 years ago. He's Cuban-Italian and grew up in NYC. His customs have been fun to learn about and we've combined our hunger for learning to many new adventures, especially raising our son! We are both independent, yet we share many things in common. And if I had only looked in my own back yard, I would have stopped so many years ago and still been in Florida. While I may go back to Florida one day and settle in, I've experienced a whole world of new people, ideas, and places since I've lived there.
My challenge to you if you are single is "Please don't give up"!. Don't think that just because you are picky that you are destined to be single forever. But be willing to look outside your own community of friends. Be willing to the possibility that your perfect mate is in another town, city or country, anxiously waiting the opportunity to meet that person who also has dreams and goals of their own, who loves the city, the country, home and abroad. Consider that this person has a zest for life, just like you do, but their path hasn't led them to you yet.
Get out there! Make your quest for that mate a quest for life. Enjoy it! Live it! Experience it and share it! You'll never know until you try and when you try, you'll have no ideas the adventures that await!
Good luck? go for it and let me know where you land. For now anyway?. And next year? That'll be a whole new story I'm sure! Safe Travels!
COMMENTS FROM THE SINGLES:
"This is awesome! You are truly a gifted and insightful writer! I am signing up for a cruise to see the glaciers ....or something like that.............".(single female, Charlotte, NC)
She's off the market !!! "I got married in September 2003 to a great guy. We met on the internet and he was living in Florida at the time. The crazy part is that the reason he emailed me is because my profile said something about my being a life coach. He had worked with a life coach and had a great experience so he was interested in my profile. Neither of us expected anything to come of it but surprise.... Clearly being a coach has enhanced my life in MANY ways!
Hope you and the family are doing well! All the best,
"I feel so special knowing that you would include me as a 1%er!! Thanks! ;-)" Great post." (Single 20 something Male- Charlotte, NC)
"cute blog!" (Single 20 something male- Charlotte, NC)
"Cool, thanks for the inspiration. Keep it coming. Have a great weekend." (Forty something single guy, Minneapolis)
"This was such a brilliant and insightful and ABSOLUTELY TRUE blog, I just had to respond. My marriage had broken up and I was shaken up by it - and I am what you call a 1% er. I fit the exact description you illustrated - only have the highest goal in mind, insatiable appetite for reading and knowledge, only want to spend time with the most worthy and intelligent people.
I did not understand how someone as intelligent and successful as me could orchstrate such a dismal failure of the one and only thing I truly cared about - but it went spectacularly wrong.
And to make a long story short guess what - I met the absolute love of my life - a successful and wealthy software entrepreneur - you cannot get more my type than this man is, he fits every criteria I could think of, and even some I didn't know I could think of- and all I did was move to San Diego.
Truer words were never spoken - change your outlook and change your home base - and your life just falls into place. I could not have even imagined how perfect this turned out.
Never ever settle for less than exactly what you want!!!!! Listen to what Mary Gardner has to say." (Single 30 something female, San Diego, CA)
"That was great, I am going to pass on to all my single friends!!!!" (single 30 something- Charlotte)
Anyway, it was kind of a "message" because this morning I woke up extremely sad about my relationship. I opened your blog right up to the part about Mr. and Mrs. Right and Am I being too picky. LOL. It didn't really (make me-sic) happy since I'm not looking, but perhaps it somewhere in there is a message I'm supposed to take to heart.? (Brandie, 20something, midwest)
I read your article on looking for Mr. Right. I thought it was great! Finding Pete was certainly a miracle. We are so well matched for each other. (40 something female, married, Charlotte, NC)
Ok 2 emails in one morning! Wow, I kept reading after that article?The I'm Looking for Mr. or Ms. Right? it's funny b/c as I read it I was thinking, well sure, I think anyone might consider themselves to be among the top (or the minority?however you choose to look at it J), but then I remembered something I read in one of my psych classes...it related to taking those personality tests. "They" can [usually] tell when someone is lying about those little questions like "is smoking marijuana ok?"?someone who thinks it is might first think they should check no?.but then, they think that realistically everyone is like them (I guess it's more an ego-centric view) so they put yes, thinking it puts them in the status-quo. My point being, maybe we are special!
But anyway, back to your article, I really enjoyed reading that one too?it gave me some hope, because I feel the same way!! There are so many things to do and see in the world, why limit yourself!! (20 something female, , NC)
LOVE LOVE LOVE the article on singles. You are RIGHT ON - I think you should do tv interviews on this topic. I really do b/c you tapped into the pulse of many of Gen X & Y! NO ONE HAS SAID IT BETTER, MORE CONCISELY and with HUMOR and better observation than your article.
I have forwarded the link to my friends (married and single) and they agreed with you! I just last week had my postman AND my hairstylist ask me point blank about my "love life" and when was I going to get married b/c "it's such a shame that you're still single when you're so pretty and smart. It's almost a waste"!!! I was a bit shocked but still managed to say I haven't found the right man yet and I refuse to settle. This has also happened to my other girlfriends too. Mary you're really onto something...Plus it's THE WAY you write/talk about ANY subject - it's so fun to read.
Michelle, Jersy girl! :)
To learn more about Mary go to: http://www.marygardner.com/
Mary Gardner is an Executive Communications Consultant and Coach. She works with, coaches and trains individuals, sales teams, executives, and celebrities. She enjoys seeing the best come out in people and has fun in the process. Mary is married to Sway and is mommy to Jeremy 5 and lives in Orlando, FL.
Defining a Relationship
How does one know when a relationship is really a relationship? Very good question for all of us to ponder don't you think? Generally, when you meet someone and decide to persue some type of relationship, you most often think if the other person agrees to go out with you multiple times, one begins to think that you "click" and that maybe, just maybe this time it might work out. Do we all live in a dream world? I must make it clear that I am not "profiling" either sex as both genders are guilty of this practice.
Have You Tried Online Dating, Only to be Disappointed?
Millions of people subscribe to Online dating services, but very few of them actually take the time to learn what it takes to be successful on them before signing up. By going into the Online-dating scene uneducated, many people are unsuccessful in their online dating endeavors, and are unable to find people that they are compatible with.
Yahoo Personals Offers a Great Way to Meet and Date New People
With more people turning to online dating every year, it's only fair to say that Yahoo personals is rising to be one of the most successful dating services on the Internet today!Why are they becoming the best service for single people looking for that special relationship? It's simple: they have designed their personals to have straightforward features for people online so they can find dates quick and easy!When you first arrive at the Yahoo dating site, you will see they provide several member options that are sure to fit most single men and women's needs.Take advantage if they're providing Yahoo free services; this is a terrific opportunity to get familiar with their popular features.
10 Fast Ways to Re-Igniting Romance
Research shows that people who put each other down and are hostile to each other are more likely to have serious problems . We tend to feel vulnerable our sence of protection has been broken, our love has diminished .
How To Write A Successful Personal Ad
No one would know how good you are if you would not let them know about it. Whether you are promoting yourself for a job or for a date, you have to advertise yourself well.
Faster, Cheaper, Better P2P Online Dating Software
There is one thing we all know for certain when it comes to the internet. That is that each year someone will come up with a way to do things faster, better and cheaper.
What are Seduction Lairs?
Are you familiar with Seduction Lairs and how to use them to your advantage?They are around purely for your benefit if you wish to get better with women. If you want to get better with women it will help you if you find other individuals who share the same goals to keep you motivated and learn from.
Who Says Online Datings Only For Losers?
I let that friend talk me into browsing some pictures on one of the more popular dating sites. I had to say, there were some pretty decent looking men on there.
Revealed: What Women Want When It Comes to a Guys Looks
As part of my research for a guide to style, I put together a focus group of 6 randomly chosen hot, single women between 21 and 33, to find out what styles in men they considered hot.My goal was to find the things that they all agreed on.
"Dating Again" Redefined
Define dating again as The Joy Of Dating Again. It is all about rediscovering ourselves, and then sharing with others our growth and realizations.
Dating While Seeking GOD- A Road Less Traveled
Why is it when it comes to dating that we go from one relationship right into another, searching for something from someone that only God is capable of giving us? Why do we think that leaping into another courtship will change our thinking and current situation in our lives?We seem to have this delusion that we will live a happily ever after if we just find someone that will tell us what we want to hear and treat us the way we want to be treated. Then when God does bring us someone that tells the truth we find ourselves uncomfortable and go to someone who makes us feel better even though their not being honest with us.
Cut Cupid Some Slack
Valentine's Day!What a great idea to set aside a day for remembering those we love. It's even more than just remembering; it's romancing.
Building Self Confidence
The building of self-confidence is not difficult, but it requires patience and intelligent effort. There should be no straining, no anxiety, and no haste.
Love Could Be An Errand Away
You have signed up on several large dating sites and posted a great profile. So far, you've had some nice responses, but these haven't led to a meeting yet.
Is Somebody Interested In You?
How can you tell if a somebody is interested in you?I am asking you this because if you wish to any control of your dating life, your personal life, and even your business life. You should know how to read people.
Hot Women And Eye Contact
For a while now I've been wondering why some women always make eye contact and hold it longer than others, and in most cases, the women who fail to maintain eye contact are the best looking. Each woman is unique, so their reasons for not maintaining eye contact could be any of a variety of things.
10 Reasons to Use Online Dating Sites
There are many more reasons than just ten that I would like to mention, but in this article I have focussed on the primary ten reasons why I believe on-line dating is here to stay. It is now understood that the industry has even further to grow as more and more service suppliers in this segment realize the many niches yet to be serviced and explored.
Filtering Values in the Dating Game
Ever noticed that when dating, no one really wants to take the first step and open up a dialogue on a subject with depth and substance?It would seem only natural to try to obtain such vital information in order to make a reasonable assessment as to whether your date could have potential.However, most people, due to either being too uptight, or merely too busy playing the "let me put on my best face front", whether it's you or just a fraction of you, do not probe for the others' values initially.
Internet Dating - Introduction
So you're single. And you don't want to be single any longer.
Dating Advice for Those Just Getting Back on the Dating Wagon!
Dating is a daunting prospect, especially for those who've been off the circuit for a while. Here's a little dating advice to help you back on the dating wagon.
home | site map
All articles are copyright to their owners.
Note: this website lists articles, We do not Write Articles !