List Categories | List All Articles | List Articles By Title
Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 17, 2003
My dilemma is this. I've been going out with my boyfriend for five months. He is a very loving and romantic guy and would do basically anything for me. But the other night we were making love, and he said a friend's name instead of mine.
Now this girl isn't particularly good-looking, she's quite small, her eyes are funny looking, and her teeth are all over her mouth. Basically she looks like a caveman. Nonetheless it still hurt me, and I pushed him away.
He tried to explain he had been out with friends he hadn't seen in ages and met up with her. He said he was supposed to ask me to do something for her, and that's why he said her name. I wouldn't listen to him. I tried to go to sleep while he kept asking me to talk to him.
I find myself thinking more and more about this situation. I'm not answering his phone calls or e-mails or anything. I do love him, but now I'm questioning whether he really loves me or has he got a thing for his unattractive friend.
Trudy, everyone misspeaks at times. Parents often call one child by another child's name, and all of us stumble with a name or song title on the tip of our tongue. Ask most people what you put in a toaster, and they say toast, not bread. Ask what cows drink, and people often say milk, not water.
Sometimes, however, feelings come out in embarrassing ways. If you made cruel remarks about his friend's appearance, that could be enough to bring her to mind. Physical beauty is not an accomplishment but an accident of nature. Being a person of interest and value, however, is an expression of self and no accident.
Men don't take catty remarks well. They find them nasty not amusing. It could be your boyfriend was returning an emotional injury you gave him in slighting her, but one instance means nothing. If you are adding value to this, your reaction says more about you than your boyfriend's misspeaking.
My ex-boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago, but we agreed to stay friends. He went away for a month soon after, and we e-mailed a few times. When he returned, I spoke with him on the phone once. Later I e-mailed him, and he said maybe we could meet as friends.
I replied it might feel awkward meeting up so soon because I still had strong feelings for him. I didn't get a reply. Some days later I sent a text message saying if he wants to meet for a chat, let me know. Again I got no reply.
He replied a few days later saying he'd been busy and both his parents were ill. A week later I e-mailed saying if he wants to meet for a chat, we probably had enough space now. I didn't get a reply for a week. I was so angry I sent him a message saying since he doesn't want to stay in touch, so much for us being friends. Goodbye.
He replied that his dad died the previous week. However one of my friends told me that his dad being ill and dying is no excuse for him not staying in touch. Another friend agreed that the dad dying is no excuse either. Should I expect an ex who's now a friend to treat me no different than any other friend?
Maryanne, in the real world, the death of a parent is a good excuse for not keeping in touch. If you are as insensitive and callous as your friends, this might be the reason you broke up in the first place. The truth is your contact with him is based on a lie. You don't want to be friends. You want him back.
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Where You Can Find Sympathy
Ask any of my kids and they'll tell you immediately that you'll find it in the dictionary between "sh-" and "syphilis". Wasn't that absolutely cruel and unkind of me to instill in them a nearly total distain for the concept of "sympathy"? With so many individuals in the world suffering in so many ways, how could I possibly be so heartless? I am without a doubt, an uncaring, evil SOB!Well, maybe not.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 20, 2003I am 32 and a mom with two children. I've pretty much been single for two years.
Lessons about Life in an Unexpected Place
Did you ever receive a gift in an unexpected place?I did, when I went to McDonald's recently. My order was mistakenly placed as a Child's Happy Meal.
Anamchara - Living a Meaningful Life
At some stage of living your life you will ask the question "What does it mean to be here?"You may phrase the question in different ways but the essence of the question is the same. It represents your desire to know what it means to be alive on this earth.
Pay It Forward
My friend Hugh Jeffries died. He was a wealthy man.
Night of the Living Dead
For many people, life has become as dull and despairing as death. We suffer from spiritual inertia.
I Hate My Computer and Other Inspirational Thoughts
The New Year has not started out very well for Yours Truly. After the first day of the new year, my life went south for the rest of the winter.
Top Ten Ways to Retire Retirement
1. Retire the word "retirement" from your vocabulary.
Is the Life Youre Living the Life You Want?
In pre-revolutionary Russia, a rabbi was walking to the synagogue. A Russian soldier stopped him and asked, "Who are you and what are you doing here?" The rabbi answered, "How much do they pay you for doing this job?" The soldier replied, "Twenty kopeks.
Anam Cara - Going Beyond The Good
In Corrogue I receive a gift of love.I awake to find a gift in my email inbox this morning.
Need for a Belief System: A System of Organization for Your Experiences!
I've spoken with many people who, over time, have felt inundated by their lives. It seems as though they've accumulated all of these memories and experiences, but the information seems jumbled and overwhelming.
Who Is Dr Robert Anthony and Why Is He One of My Mentors and Heroes?
So who is Dr Robert Anthony?He is the best-selling author of the books 'Doing What You Love - Loving What You Do', 'Advanced Formula For Total Success', 'How To Make The Impossible Possible', 'Total Self-Confidence', 'Betting On Yourself', 'Magic Power Of Super Persuasion', '50 Ideas That Can Change Your Life', 'Random Wisdom' and the audio program 'Rapid Manifestation'.These are all included in his latest multi-media course 'Know How To Be Rich'.
Charge Your Imagination (2)
As year 2004 winds up and professionals and corporate bodies plot strategies for business excellence in 2005 and beyond, it is time to put their Imagination to real work. In the first part of this message, IMAGINATION, as a person, started an inspirational charge for the professional and business class on what the world of business would be like in the year 2030.
My name is Smarty Jones -- Embracing Gods Glory
Our deepest fear us not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
Most of us, at one point or another, take a moment to evaluate our lives and the paths that we have chosen to take. We each do it at different times and with different emphasis.
Looking for a Better World - What Every Person Can Do!
Each night, when I put my head on the pillow and turn my thoughts to things ethereal, I am hopeful that the world is a little better place than when I awoke that morning. I hope that the dissidents, extremists, murderers, plunderers, bigots, philanderers, cheaters, molesters and others of mean-spirit find that their chosen path is not a beneficial avenue.
Win Your Own Lotto
When people talk about enrichment, they are usually thinking of financial enrichment. (Show me the money!) But, we can enrich many other aspects of our lives too such as: spiritual, mental, physical, and social, as examples.
The Emmaus Journal ~ Quietness
The Emmaus Journal QuietnessAs a state of being, quietness is in direct contrast to the World we occupy and the American Lifestyle altogether. The perpetual noise index is at its highest peak within our structured cities that now seem to stretch into endless waves of suburbia.
The 5 Fortunes Within
What could be nearer to us than our own selves. What could be a greater fortune to discover than our own love.
Have You Lost Focus?
Matthew 5:14-16You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden.
home | site map
All articles are copyright to their owners.
Note: this website lists articles, We do not Write Articles !