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Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 12, 2003
Of all the relationship advice columns, I like and respect yours most because you never encourage using manipulation or "tricks" in relationships.
I recently turned 30 and am considered an attractive woman. My life has never been easy, but I put it all behind me and tried to make the best out of my assets. I moved to the States, put myself through college, graduated with honors, and work hard to support myself.
The only problem is I have no love in my life. The men I date act like I am the best thing to happen to them, in the beginning that is. Inevitably it turns out they do not want a serious relationship, leaving me with a broken heart and crushed hopes. If I am really that wonderful, why is this happening to me?
I have dated men of various ages, professions, and physical appearance. The only thing they have in common is a dread of settling down with one person forever.
I live in New York, perhaps the most "commitment phobic" city in the world. Whenever I travel to other states, people say, "You're such a beautiful girl. Not married yet?" It's flattering, but I cringe to hear that question. It makes me feel like the biggest loser.
I've tried almost everything. Recently I read in one of the relationship books the best way to attract the right partner is make a list of all the qualities we would like them to possess and meditate upon it. Inevitably the right mate will be drawn to us. Call me skeptical, but this sounds like ordering custom furniture, not meeting a mate.
Can such lists really work? Please help me. I am too young to live without love the rest of my life.
Eldora, oh, if it was only that simple. Make a list of what you want--a man, money, or a trim waist--and meditate. If that worked, we'd all be married, we'd all be rich, and we'd all be thin. If that book worked, it would be the hottest selling book ever.
Authors of relationship books say you can plan and plot this out because that is what people want to hear. But it is not within their power to make happen. No one has a crystal ball to tell you when the great moments of your life will occur. Love comes when it comes, not when you decide it should come.
Love is a word which is often misused. It can be used to gain undeserved intimacy. There is something to be said for waiting, because those who are not serious are not likely to be patient. As you have already painfully discovered, you cannot turn a man who is not serious into one who is no matter how much he says he likes or loves you.
It doesn't take long to realize a shoe doesn't fit, and almost all men give indicators they are, or are not, of a mindset for a wife. The sooner you learn a man is not of your mindset, the less likely you are to be hurt. If a man says he isn't looking for marriage, shake his hand, say goodnight, and tell him he is not what you are looking for.
The one thing we can tell you is to live the kind of life which is in you, that you deserve, that you have a passion for. Because that is the only thing which is under your control.
Put yourself in the way of love and marriage. That means not being involved with anyone who does not want marriage, acknowledging in your heart you want to be married, and not being afraid to say it. The man who truly loves you will want to make you his own.
The best thing you can do is be out there living a good life.
Wayne & Tamara
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
A Pre-existing Condition
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Did you ever watch a bird in flight? Especially ducks or geese as they take off from the water? The take off is not the soaring grace of flight; it is a struggle, an accomplishment to get the bird out of the water and into the air. The REAL victory of flight is not the feat of soaring on air currents to a final destination, once in flight the bird has relative ease from his struggles.
Two Choices That can Make Next Year The Best Year of Your Life
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The Inspiration Factor
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Dont Die With Your Dreams Still Inside You
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Aftermath of a Child's Near Death Experience
An 18 month-old girl lay dying of diphtheria in January of 1944. It was before the widespread use of antibiotics.
Call To Action
Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 3, 2003I need some advice, please! I've been married to the same man for 11 years. He's a nice person when he's not drinking.
Discernment and Judgement
Discernment is an inner guide or compass. It is loving and expansive, and offers freedom, honor and options.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 28, 2003My wife of 35 years has fallen in love again with her old college boyfriend. I am 61, and she is 58.
7 Strategies To Make Room For Money
Laws of the Attraction notwithstanding, there are several external ways that you can make room for more money in your life.Yes, there are those of you who can manifest whatever you want, whenever you want.
What Life is All About?
When we look at lives in any places in this world, we may come to the similar red line. Those lives consist of phases that take living creature from a step to a further one.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 21, 2003I don't know whether to call it jealousy or insecurity. My husband and I have been married almost 30 years.
The difficulty in finding love that is good for you stems from the same difficulty you have loving yourself. For those who believe in God or a higher power, to not love yourself is to not love the very source of your existence.
Lifestyle Changes - A Conscious Choice!
Are you ready for a change? Is it time for those plans that you've been thinking about for so long? Now is a good time for making plans, for lifestyle changes, starting over, finding new directions and developing as a human being. Now is a very good time for creating your own personal lifestyle and a life that you have chosen to live.
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To Raise Your Frequency, Just Turn on the Joy!
The feeling response to being filled up with Love from your Spirit is joy. Higher frequency energy-Love-activates a joy response in your emotional body.
Psychic Sponge Syndrome: The Easy Inner-Centrifuge Remedy
Here's a nifty trick to use to clear yourself of any psychic "stuff" you may pick up as you move through the world. I learned the basic format for it from a woman who had the booth space adjacent to mine at a tradeshow.
Eight Choices You Can Make Today that Will Change Your Life Forever
The direction of our lives is determined by the choices we make every day. They accumulate and add up to our ultimate destiny.
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