List Categories | List All Articles | List Articles By Title
Nothing To Celebrate
Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 12, 2002
I came across your column by accident. Boy, was it impeccable timing. I am sitting here writing you on my anniversary weekend. Home alone, while my husband is on a three day golf fling with his buddies. I have cried for two days.
This is a reality check for me, knowing our problems through 23 years are still there even after counseling. Should I be crying, or is it time to get out? And did I mention he spent New Year's Eve at a basketball game while I stayed home alone?
I know most golfers would not want to give up a weekend with their buddies, but does a truly happy man give up the invitation for the sake of his wife? I am a person who feels, thinks, then decides. My husband is a person who thinks, decides, then feels.
Josey, with tears in her eyes, a woman told us this story. She and her husband planned a cruise with another couple. Their 25th wedding anniversary fell in the middle of the cruise. When the other couple couldn't make it, her husband canceled their reservations also.
In her heart, this is what she felt. "I love you. I want to go on this trip even more now. We can have a second honeymoon." But she didn't speak up. She thought he should know her feelings, but her silence confirmed what he did.
Sometimes couples run in so many directions at once, they get off course. Then a simple, open statement of feelings can clarify things. If your husband's disconnection was unintentional, it suggests one course of action. If it was done with the knowledge or intention to hurt you, it suggests another.
A Covey Of Counselors
Last year I cheated on my girlfriend and she found out. It was awful. We broke up and I undertook therapy, which was a great thing for me to do. She was and continues to be in therapy, and she is a therapist herself.
When we got back together, we were very codependent. It seems we were not totally able to rebuild trust. Though we traveled and practically lived together the last few months, we also got into criticism wars about the most stupid things.
Last month she found a job. I criticized her for not committing more to our relationship and for spending too much time working. She became attracted to her boss. This guy, who has offered her lots of money not to leave, values her professionally.
A week ago she broke up with me. At first she said it has nothing to do with her job, then she admitted she had strong feelings for her boss. Now they have already spent nights together. I am devastated.
I am currently unemployed and living at my mother's, and he is older and successful. I really love her and want her back. I have a wild hope this is all about getting even and that she will come back to me in time.
Mac, I have a wild hope this is all about you getting your life together. What you need to focus on is getting a job, standing on your own two feet, and paying your own bills.
You're clinging to a relationship in which you are in therapy, your girlfriend is in therapy, she is a therapist, and she is sleeping with her boss, a therapist. Maybe, just maybe, therapy isn't going to save this relationship.
You are jobless and dependent on your mother. Being with your girlfriend would be a definite step up for you, but if you were pursuing a career and lived in a place of your own, the world would look different to you.
Right now you are looking for a relationship to help you out of your hole. You need to focus on helping yourself out of the hole.
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
To every life, there is a purpose; a purpose of will and a purpose of choice. A choice to make the right or wrong decisions and the will to act on the choices made.
Say Thank You to the Cow for the Steak on Your Plate
Have you ever said thank-you to the cow that provided you with the steak for your dinner!I expect you think the idea preposterous. If you were to say thank-you: to the cow for its meat, milk, butter and cheese, to the vegetables for their sacrifice of life so that you can live, to the air, water and fire and earth for their contributions to your life - then you may have to start thinking a bit harder about yourself and your connection to earth.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 26, 2004We've been married 20 years. In order to spice up our sex life we would occasionally share fantasies, and one that seemed to turn us both on involved my wife with me and another man.
Its A Brand New Day
Waking up one day and realizing your world just isn't working for you is the first step into an incredibly exciting new journey. That awakening is to be the first of many.
The Power of Inspiration
INSPIRATION can be a powerful thing. It can keep you going when all around you cries out "quit!" It is even more powerful than motivation,as motivation gives you your basic reasons to keepgoing--it tells you why you want to do what you do, because motivation is based on goals.
The Inspiration Factor
The first thing that an aspiring leader must realize is that they must be inspiring! That is, they must be capable of, and willing to inspire people on to greater things than if the leader were not in their lives.So, is this too grandiose an ideal for the average local business owner? Absolutely not.
Make A Difference - Just Go Make A Difference!
Three Words That Can Help Us Live Exceptional LivesCertain words and word combinations carry with them varying levels of meaning for each of us.For instance, you may sense any number of reactions to one or more of these statements:"Strike three.
Who is My Mother?
Text: Matthew 12:46-50, Mark 3: 31-35, Luke 8:19Mother's Day has passed. All the dinners have been served, flowers and gifts delivered.
Why Are We So Lost? The Journey Home
Did you ever wonder how you ended up where you are in your life? Is life a culmination of a series of very carefully planned moves or a hodge podge of serendipitous events? Of course as we get to know ourselves better, our radar becomes more finely tuned. Our intuition develops and we become more secure with our inner knowing.
Wisdom of the Worlds Proverbs
You don't have to excavate diamond mines or oil fields to find one of the world's greatest treasures. All you need to do is look at the world's proverbs--the "people's wisdom.
Where Do You Go For Your Intellectual Feast?
(excerpted from Leading an Inspired Life)Pity the man who has a favorite restaurant, but not a favorite author. He's picked out a favorite place to feed his body, but he doesn't have a favorite place to feed his mind!Why would this be? Have you heard about the accelerated learning curve? From birth, up until the time we are about eighteen, our learning curve is dramatic, and our capacity to learn during this period is just staggering.
Where You Can Find Sympathy
Ask any of my kids and they'll tell you immediately that you'll find it in the dictionary between "sh-" and "syphilis". Wasn't that absolutely cruel and unkind of me to instill in them a nearly total distain for the concept of "sympathy"? With so many individuals in the world suffering in so many ways, how could I possibly be so heartless? I am without a doubt, an uncaring, evil SOB!Well, maybe not.
Charge Your Imagination (3)
As we progress into the year, it is necessary for professionals to really put their Imagination to work as they plot strategies for business excellence this year. To help them do a good job, IMAGINATION (as a person) started an inspirational message on Vision 2030.
Never Jump to Conclusions
Human mind which is well known as a fluctuating prodigy presumes itself to be a great judge. It is so natural for the mind to judge anything that appears to it especially so in the case of other human beings.
Why You Are Special and Why Does It Matter
Why 'you are special'?Why and how does it matter?Things you can say to yourself to feel great and special always.Why 'you are special'?:You are special.
The Best Policy
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 28, 2003How do I help a former friend let go of a friendship that's not working for me?This woman, I'll call her "Anne," is a life coach. We met last year and hit it off as friends.
Michael Vick is Average
Michael Vick can do wonders on a football field, but don't think of him as an anomaly. He is just like you and me.
Nine Things More Important than Capital
When starting any enterprise or business, whether it is full-time or part-time, we all know the value of having plenty of capital (money). But I bet we both know or at least have heard of people who started with no capital who went on to make fortunes.
A Teller Of Tales
Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 10, 2002I told my daughter I didn't think my daughter-in-law paid enough attention to her oldest son, 8. He has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, is on Ritalin, and lately has been kicking and hitting little kids.
Giving Can Overcome Language Differences
I recently had to take a trip to Germany. It has been more than ten years since making my last international trip.
home | site map
All articles are copyright to their owners.
Note: this website lists articles, We do not Write Articles !