List Categories | List All Articles | List Articles By Title
Are You Fully Present in Your Marriage?
"Presence is more than just being there," states Malcolm S.Forbes. How true!
Have you ever been talking with someone and felt that they were miles away even though they were sitting next to you? They might have appeared to be listening, but you could sense that they weren't really mentally and emotionally present in the conversation.
We all have moments when our mind wanders and we lose focus, but if this happens frequently, our relationships with others will be negatively affected. In a marriage, intimacy is enhanced by feelings of connection and harmed when partners start feeling disconnected.
When a spouse is physically present but mentally "out to lunch," the partner will feel the difference. Something important is missing, and what is missing is the spouse's full attention to the conversation or activity. Often, the distracted spouse is feeling rushed, bored, impatient, or stressed. When that happens, the natural tendency is to constantly mentally leap ahead to the next items on the "to do" list.
If this describes you, then you are missing the experience you are having right now because you are so focused on what you're gong to do next. By living in the future, you miss the present. Besides robbing yourself of the enjoyment of the current experience, you are also negatively impacting how others feel when they are around you.
"I'll make it up to him (or her) later," you may tell yourself as you rush through yet another conversation without really looking at your spouse closely or hearing what's really being said. In the mean time, the feeling of disconnection between the two of you grows and intensifies.
One of the ways you can show respect and caring for your spouse is to give the gift of undivided attention. Likewise, you show respect and caring for yourself when you value connecting deeply with others, and that can only be accomplished in the Now. One of the best presents you can give others and yourself is to practice being fully present in your life.
It takes practice and discipline to pull yourself back to the present moment when your mind jumps ahead into the future. Breaking any long-standing habit is difficult and can take weeks, even months, of practice. But the pay-off for learning to live more of your life consciously and with more awareness of the present moment is significant.
Until you can learn to listen intently and focus your total attention on the other person, you are not connecting at the deepest, most intimate level. As Mary Catherwood observes, "Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet." This is the tragedy that befalls many marriages.
Follow these five tips to be more present when you interact with your spouse:
1. Stop what you are doing and look at your partner when he/she is talking to you. This shows respect and will make it easier to keep focused.
2. When your mind wanders, gently re-direct it back to the present moment. Take a deep breath to help you stay anchored and centered.
3. Ignore stray thoughts that flit across your mind, trying to distract you. If you don't give them attention, they won't "hook" you.
4. If you are too distracted to concentrate, tell your spouse, "It's really important to me to focus on what you're saying, and I can't seem to concentrate right now. Could we schedule a time to talk later today?"
5. Keep the bigger picture in mind. You are investing time and energy into creating satisfying intimacy with your spouse. Each interaction either adds a deposit to the intimacy "piggy bank" or makes a withdrawal from it.
Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available as an e-book at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com ,where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Nancy can be contacted at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.
To Stay Married, Keep Dating
One of my favorite memories from last year was not watching my young daughters rip into their Christmas presents, or seeing them perform in the school talent show. No, my happiest recollection was the date my husband and I went out on one stormy Tuesday night in November.
Prescription for a Happy Marriage
Prescription for a happy marriage: one cup of tea or coffee, to be taken each morning before rising.Sounds simple, doesn't it? And yet every year thousands of couples head for the divorce courts, or make pre-nuptial agreements in the expectation that the marriage will fail.
Gatlinburg Honeymoon Packages
Gatlinburg in Tennessee is the city with streets of art galleries and quaint shops selling local arts and crafts. It is also home to the world-renowned Arrowmont Craft School.
The Bridezilla Syndrome: Do You Have It? Ten Ways to Avoid All the BS!
In a fast-paced world of wedding planning, stress levels are high; immune systems are low; and over the course of the past 20 years, brides have transmitted, what has become a bridal epidemic of our time.The number of victims has steadily increased; and to date, there is no cure.
A Wedding Shower Checklist
Bridal showers are one of many pre-wedding parties and are great fun. They are known as parties with a purpose.
Displaying Your Wedding Bouquet
The great day has come and gone, and you are now happily married. You now want to showcase your silk bouquet as a memory of the wonderful occasion.
Rose Petals Add The Perfect Touch For A Wedding
Rose petals will add luxury to a wedding day or any other special occasion. Why settle for throwing ordinary rice when instead you can make the wedding so much more romantic by tossing rose petals?From your flower girl spreading a path of rose petals down the aisle to the happy couple being showered with rose petals upon completion of the services they add that little touch that will make this day special.
Loose Moissanite Stones, A Great Way to Buy Your Moissanite Jewelry
Moissanite is fast becoming the new diamonds. The newest jewelry stone on the market, moissanite is fashionable.
Balance - Wedding Budget Blues
Let's think about what goes into your wedding budget. Your caterer/banquet facility will get the lion's share of it.
For Second Weddings Only - Eight Tips
Planning a second wedding? Prevent favorite guests comparing your second wedding, to the first wedding. It isn't tricky but it will take some thought.
The Runaway Brides ( & Grooms)
The 1999 Julia Roberts movie 'Runaway Bride' is about a woman who gets nervous about marriage and runs away at the last minute, leaving the groom at the altar. If you thought this happened only in reel life, the running away recently of Jennifer Wilbanks, a 32-year-old from Georgia who concocted a kidnapping story to escape the wedding, should prove otherwise.
The History of the White Wedding Dress
As a youngster -- or perhaps even as an adult -- have you ever sat dreamily imagining yourself in a fairytale wedding dress, about to marry your very own Prince Charming? And, what colour is the wedding dress? The chances are it's a white one. Millions of girls and women that dream of the perfect marriage have a vision of the perfect white wedding dress in their minds.
Proper Etiquette for the Wedding Invitation
The invitation is the first impression of the type of wedding you have planned. Your invitation may be custom made, sophisticated, eloquent or a do it yourself creation.
Bridesmaids Gifts: a Token of Love, Appreciation and Affection
No one has as much fun as the bride to be on her wedding day, except, perhaps, her bridesmaids. Bridesmaids enjoy all of the fun of a wedding without the stress and headaches of planning the blessed affair.
3 Easy Steps to Buying the Right Engagement Ring
You've made the plunge, you've decided to get married. Congratulations!Don't think about it now, but there are many things you need to think about before the big wedding day comes, and one of them is how are you going to find the right engagement ring?Before the stress settles in, here are 3 easy steps to finding and buying the right engagement ring.
Tahiti Honeymoon Resorts: Fun-tastic Experience
Tahiti honeymoon resorts are the best places you could think of when you think of a romantic and passion filled honeymoon. Tahiti is the picture perfect place for your honeymoon.
Who Should Get A Gift At Your Wedding?
Planning a wedding is hard enough without having to think about who you should be giving gifts to. After all, you've a ceremony to plan, a reception hall to decorate and the perfect dress to find!But, it's important that you tell each of the special members of your wedding party just how much their presence means to you.
5 Tips To Keep Marital Bliss Alive After You Retire!
Let's face it retirement is a time of great transition for spouses. Ample free time and drastic lifestyle changes can be a burden or a blessing for your marriage.
How To Keep Love Alive In Your Marriage
In the beginning of a relationship, love seems to have a life of its own. Without much effort, you feel like you are on top of the world.
Improve Your Marriage With Better Communication
Communication plays one of the most important roles in any type of relationship whether a professional association or a more intimate bond such as marriage. Many of these relationships don't develop into their full potential because the communication link is missing or weak.
home | site map
All articles are copyright to their owners.
Note: this website lists articles, We do not Write Articles !