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Building Your Childs Self-Esteem
According to researchers, most children enter school with a good sense of self-esteem (at least as defined by psychologists) and yet leave high school with a poor sense of self-esteem. What happens in those years between starting school and finishing school?
If we are to define self-esteem as "having feelings of worth or value," then people with adequate levels of self-esteem should display a sense of realistic confidence in their abilities and performance. People with low levels of self-esteem would be expected to display feelings of inadequacy, a fear of failure, a sense of being unworthy, and perhaps depression.
At least 50% of children will experience the divorce of their parents prior to turning 18 years old. Most children, for whatever reasons too complicated to go into here, will tend to place at least a portion of the blame for the parent's divorce on themselves. Since the parents are typically placed on a pedestal in the eyes of the child, the blame for the divorce cannot be placed on the parents and must be placed elsewhere, most commonly on themselves. This also significantly impacts children's self-esteem levels.
There are other important challenges to maintaining reasonable self-esteem, such as merely being "average" in a world that worships only the good looking, the good athletes, and the well-to-do.
Let me say here and now that inappropriately high levels of self-esteem may be worse that low levels. Levels of self-esteem that are too high lead kids to believe that they are more important than anyone else, and that they should never be frustrated by work or challenges in life. It leads young people to believe that they should always have their way. Inflated levels of self-esteem ultimately discourages children and teens from learning how to work hard, and sometimesl leads into criminal behavior. Anti-social and criminal behavior is fueled by the criminal believing that his wants and needs are more important than the needs, wants, or rights of others.
Inflated levels of self-esteem also are directly at odds with the development of one's spirituality and relationship with God. After all, who needs to develop a relationship with God when he believes that he is more important, or intelligent, or more powerful than God? People are cheated in every important aspect of their lives, emotionally, socially, and spiritually, when their sense of self-esteem is inflated.
So how can we instill appropriate levels of self-esteem in our children? Briefly, here are five key thoughts . . .
First, change the way that you look at this area of life from "self-esteem" to "self-confidence." There is a difference as wide as the sea. To "esteem" someone, including one's self, involves feelings of "reverence" or "awe" or "honor" or "glory." Words have meaning. Let's not get carried away with trying to make our kids feel good about themselves by starting to ascribe to them positions of honor normally reserved for Presidents and Kings, and perhaps for God. The majority of our society's problems are caused by people thinking that they are more important than anyone else in the world. This is not something that we really want to encourage in our children, or in ourselves.
Instead we do want to encourage self-confidence. This attribute becomes especially powerful and beautiful when paired with the virtue of self-control. Raise your children to have these two character traits, and you will have wonderful and successful children.
Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library's family of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.
Classic Parenting: Encouragement, Praise, Acceptance, and Responsibility
Encouragement comes when you focus on your child's assets and strengths in order to build his/her self-confidence. It comes from seeing the positive.
The initial state of happiness about an own child is often overcome with annoyance after even a short period of time. Children quickly grow an own personality, and it's the most vital task of the parents to help develop it and give it a shape.
Parenting Confidence - Who Needs It?
It used to strike me as odd - but really, it makes perfect sense.If you are a regular flier, or have flown recently, you'll know what I mean.
Non-Compliance in Your Children, Some Tips for Parents
Non-compliance is the family therapist's big word for your child not obeying you when you have asked him or her to do something. It is helpful because it is descriptive, and because it may also motivate us as parents to move our kids from being non-compliant to being compliant.
Let Your Children Name the New Baby
Choosing a baby name is an important job, so make your children feel important by letting them help you name the new baby. After all, you're not the only one who's having a baby - your whole family is ! Use the process of naming the baby as an opportunity to get your other children involved in and excited about their new brother or sister, and make the process fun.
What Should I Know About Strattera for ADHD?
Strattera came out around January of 2003, and is becoming more and more popular as a treatment for ADHD. Strattera is a norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor that came on the market in 2003.
"I'M OVERWHELMED" -- 5 Tips On How Parents Can Take Control Of Their Lives
Are you feeling overwhelmed being a parent? Do you want to feel more relaxed and empowered raising your child? Working parents, stay-at-home parents, visiting parents - it doesn't matter which one you are because these days almost every parent feels overwhelmed by their daily day. Parents every day experience anxiety, stress and despondency because they feel as if they are losing control of their natural balance.
Stress is No Kiddy Matter
Kids today no longer live the kind of privileged lives that we used to live as kids. This, I am absolutely sure of?.
When Your Chicks Leave the Nest
When my son was 18 (and had finished school), he moved into a flat with two of his mates. They were boys we'd known throughout his high school years and the flat was only ten minutes from home, but I cried for two weeks!It just seemed to me that a major part of my life was over.
Healthy Eating For Children: Six Simple Rules
Rule #1 Make Every Bite Count!Everything your child eats should be nutritious. Children can be picky and inconsistent, so make sure that what they do eat is really good for them.
Dads, Give them Household Chores
You have a chore to do around the house, and your kids want to help out. You know it might be nice for them to help, but you're feeling a bit impatient.
Top Ten Reasons to Hold Family Meetings
1. Make stronger connections among individuals and, therefore, creates a closer family.
More than Mom and Dad
Love, love, love. It makes the world go round.
Teaching Reading: Part 3, Whole Language Vs. Phonics
There are two methods for teaching children to read; whole language and phonics. Whole language is a "whole - part" method of teaching children to read, while phonics is a "part - whole" reading method.
Time To Connect With Your Teen
While on a recent trip to the grocery store, I happened to hear a mother telling her teenage daughter not to answer her ringing cell phone. Of course, the daughter explained to her mother that "she just had to answer it" As the mother was in the middle of stating how she barely gets two minutes of her daughters time in a day, and her daughter answering the ever so "important" call anyways, all I could think was how much I could relate with this poor woman.
My Husband Prioritizes Making Money Above Family Time
"Money is tight, and my husband's obsessed with doing everything he can to make more of it. It's gotten so bad that he's lost interest in our daughter.
Resilient, Confident Kids - 10 Ways to Promote Resilience in Children
Do your children have a McChildhood? Do they experience the type of childhood that may satisfy them in the short-term as their immediate needs are met, but in the long-term, leaves them ill-equipped to deal with some of the curve balls that are thrown their way?The emergence of indoor playgrounds is an example of the lengths we go to not only provide a sanitised life for kids but to ensure that they never get bored (or even get wet and cold when they play)!It helps sometimes to stand back and take stock of the type of childhood that we provide for our kids.Here are 10 elements of a childhood that promotes resilience in children and young people.
Cyber Parenting 101
Many parental units are not "techies" and openly admit they are not. They seem to use that as an excuse to not be informed and "trust" their children to do what is right in an environment that is clearly risky.
Let's Google and Yahoo Our Kids' Education
I love Google and Yahoo. With Google and Yahoo I can search the Internet on any subject that interests me, at any time day or night, in the comfort of my home.
Americas Public School System --- Brutal and Spartan
The public school system in America has become a dismal failure. But education in many other times and cultures has been quite successful.
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