List Categories | List All Articles | List Articles By Title
Winning The Whining War
Jason Meridith's two-year old son whines when he wants more juice. Brenda Kreuger's eight-year old daughter whines about having to take piano lessons. Connie Gustufson's daughter whines about not getting enough playing time on the softball team. Each parent finds the whining annoying, but is unsure what to do about it. In each case, the parent and the child could be helped by the following guidelines.
Do expect your child to whine. It is age appropriate at two, three, eight, thirteen, nineteen and every other age in between. Children will whine. Count on it.
Don't say, "Stop whining." That doesn't work. Children do not like being ordered around under normal circumstances. When they are whining, they like it even less. One thing worse than a whiner is a whiner that engages you in a power struggle.
Do say, "Madison, that is whining. Whining doesn't work with me. What works with me is to ask in a normal voice, with normal tone and normal volume. If you do that, sometimes you get what you want. Sometimes you don't. But it's your only hope."
Don't be surprised if you are tested. Your child will check you out to see if you meant what you just said. Show them that you do.
Don't cave. You may be tested more than once. Once your child realizes that whining doesn't work, he will drop the behavior. A child who fights, fights because that behavior works for him. A child who runs away from fights, runs away because that works for him. A child who gives excuses, does so because that behavior works for him. Show your child that whining doesn't work with you.
Do announce the living room, kitchen, your bedroom, and the car are whine free zones. Put up whine free signs if necessary.
Do allow your child to whine. Provide a whining area. Her bedroom will work well for this purpose. With a legitimate whining area, your child can continue to whine if she chooses and you don't have to hear it.
Don't whine to your spouse about your whining your child. You are always modeling. Your child learned whining behavior somewhere. Could it have been from you?
Do use a whine fine for older children. Assess each whiner $1.00 per whine. Keep it in a whine jar or whine bottle. Treat yourself to dinner out or a massage when the whine toll allows.
Do allow children to whine in a whining journal. Inform them that you will listen to all whining if it is written down.
Do praise your child when she asks in a normal voice, with a normal tone and normal volume.
Don't take children to stores, malls or relatives homes beyond their normal bedtime. You are asking for whining. Whining, both theirs and yours, increases with tiredness.
Do use preventative communication before you enter whine zones. Have a talk in the car before you enter the grocery store. Explain the purpose of the trip. Set the ground rules. Make your expectations clear before you enter the whine zone and you will experience less whining after you get in there.
Do inform your child that you are having trouble hearing when she whines. Tell her she is hard to understand when she chooses that tone. Tell her whining hurts your ears and they close down for whine protection.
Do make a copy of this article and carry it around with you. This will help you stay conscious that whining is a behavior you have made a commitment to eliminate.
Don't get discouraged. Whining is learned behavior. Learned behavior can be unlearned and with consistent use of these strategies, your child will learn new behaviors to replace it.
Reproduced with permission from Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller's monthy E-zine, The Response-Able Parenting Newsletter. All rights reserved worldwide.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They are the co-authors of "The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose."
Chick Moorman is a veteran educator who has invested more than 40 years working with children, parents, and teachers. More than 300,000 participants have attended his lectures.
Thomas Haller is a preeminent family and couples therapist. His private psychotherapy practice has specialized in couples and their families for over 25 years. Tom is a highly sought-after speaker on the topics of parenting and coupling. He is the director of the Healing Minds Institute.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are on a mission to empower parents, teachers, and care-givers so they can in turn empower the children they love and serve. To subscribe to Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller's monthly E-zine on Response-Able Parenting, go to http://chickmoorman.com
How To Develop Your Babys Brain
Have you ever wondered why toys for babies tend to have so many bells, whistles and lights? Or why they have so many different textures, and materials and colors? It's almost as if we want to provide young babies with a whole world of stimulation and we can't quite get it to them fast enough.Play gyms or activity gyms as they are sometimes called tend to be a firm favorite with babies from newborn up to about 12 months.
Will My Doubts and Fears Affect My Child?
"Will my doubts and fears affect my child?" This father is concerned about his son, a high school athlete with a vision of playing professional sports. The father's fear is that his son won't be accepted into the 'right' college to be scouted by the professionals.
Featured Article on Parenting: The Power of Belonging
Search for Assurance: The Power of BelongingThe job hunt is on, as is the quest to find another great preschool and neighborhood to be part of. After feeling out of place, hearing over and over that an item I'm searching for is not available, or a pretty basic procedure I thought I had a grasp of is "done differently here.
Home For The Holidays: Ask Yourself Some Questions
Annie easily slipped into becoming the sole caregiver of her parents. What started out as monthly grocery shopping for them, over the course of 2 years became a full time duty, an overwhelming burden and just about broke her emotionally and financially.
Are You Addicted to Your Children?
Is it possible to be using our children addictively?Anything that we use to get love, avoid pain, and fill up inner emptiness can become an addiction - even our children! If your children are your whole life - if you don't have a strong spiritual connection with a personal source of love and guidance, as well as other relationships and interests that you are passionate about, you might be using your children to fill an empty place within you.If you don't have a partner or your relationship with your partner is not fulfilling to you, and you don't have deeply connected and meaningful friendships, then you might be using your kids as your major emotional connection.
Arabella Greatorex, owner of The Natural Nursery, reports on the rapidly rising demand for natural, environmentally friendly and ethically sound parenting products and highlights some of the concerns that have fuelled these demands.Organic FoodThere has been much media debate around the promotion of heavily processed foods to children, part of a long standing concern about the quality of food on offer in the UK.
Why Modern Moms Are Going Back to the Basics - The Evolution of the Cloth Diaper
Having a baby is one of the most exciting times of your life. It is also one of the most stressful.
What Do You Do When Your Child is Smarter than You?
We adopted our first child when he was three months old. When we went to the agency to get him, he promptly stood up on my wife's lap and looked out the window.
A Child Can Make a Difference
Sometimes dreams really can come true! May 8th - 11th, 2000, my daughter and I traveled to Disney World in Orlando, Florida, because of a dream my daughter, Amanda, has to make a difference in this world. Amanda (then a 6th grader) entered McDonald's Millennium Dreamer contest and told them about her contributions to the humane society and her dream of making the world a better place for animals.
The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid Them: Top 5 Internet Safety Tips
The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid ThemDid you know1 out of 5 kids has been sexually solicited online1 out of 4 kids has been sent a picture of naked people or people having sex onlinethat May 21, 2002 there was the first death of a child linked directly to an Internet Predator?Parents' biggest concern about the Internet used to be pornography, but there is definitely a greater fear today.You have probably taught your child not to talk to strangers, and in many situations, they would remember this.
Bring On The Music To Help Your Child Learn Faster And More Effectively
Do you remember how you first learned the alphabet? I am quite sure that the majority of us learnt it by singing the ABC Song: 'ABCDEFG-HIJKLMNOP-QRS-TUV-WXY-and-Z..
Really Good News About Your Children's Video Games
Research published by University of Rochester neuroscientists C. Shawn Green and Daphne Bavelier has grabbed national attention for suggesting that playing "action" video and computer games has positive effects - enhancing student's visual selective attention.
Parenting Your Teenager: The Teenager and the Gorilla
Q: A parent writes in to ask, "You write a lot about the difference between controlling and managing teenagers. What's the difference.
What is Prenatal Intelligence?
Prenatal intelligence, also known as fetal intelligence, has become a very hot topic among medical professionals and expecting parents because of the affects it might have on the fetus. Many studies have been done that show a link between fetal stimulation and intelligence as well as increased development of motor skills, language and social skills.
Who Will Be Their Guardian?
If you are like most people today, you do not have a will. The reasons for this failure are many, with the most common being along the lines of "I don't have enough assets to worry about", "I don't know how to write a will", or "Lawyers charge a lot of money".
You Dont Need a Supernanny to Be an Active Parent
The hot new reality TV show "Nanny 911" has been joined by a similar nanny-to-the-rescue show called "Supernanny." These shows depict families in which the children are extremely out of control, rebellious, spoiled or otherwise quite a handful.
How to Parent Your Teen Effectively
Maintain CommunicationEven though teens need to separate from their parents during adolescence, they also need to know that the safety net of home and family is always there for them. If the lines of communication are shut down, they are not yet capable of surviving emotionally; they need support and input.
How to Stop Bad Behavior Before it Starts
Coping with a child's bad behavior, perhaps more than any other aspect of parenting, can cause stress, family disfunction, and a general loss of harmony in your home. Over time, negative behavior cycles can become ingrained in a family's way of interacting with each other 1.
Powerful Tips for Increasing Your Childs Self-Esteem
Here is a list of ways to convey the message "You are worthwhile" to your children. This list could fill a hundred newsletters, since the ways to raise responsible, happy children are limited only by our imaginations.
Just What Is A Learning Disability?
A learning disability is defined as a permanent problem that affects a person with average to above average intelligence, in the way that he/she receives, stores, and processes information.There are many wrong ideas out there about learning disabilities.
home | site map
All articles are copyright to their owners.
Note: this website lists articles, We do not Write Articles !