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Parenting: Blending Familes - 9 Universal Laws
The law of -ing.
The law of -ing refers to a misnomer in the way we talk about this special kind of family. By calling them "blended families," we imply that blending two families is a one-time event, and all the work is done. Nothing could be further from the truth. "Blending families" is a much more accurate term because it implies that putting two families together is a lifelong process with lots of work to do.
The law of Brady.
Let's get this one out of the way. "The Brady Bunch" was a TV show, complete with scripts so everyone knew what was coming in advance, with as many takes as necessary to get it right. Blending a family is real-world stuff. And it's all live!
The law of pace.
Allow your new family to develop and set its own pace. Don't try to force relationships or closeness.
The law of instant love.
Related to the law of pace, the law of instant love states that you cannot realistically expect instant love to occur between siblings and children and adults. Love and relationships take time.
The law of magnification.
In many of the blending families that I have worked with, at first it feels like everyone is walking on eggshells. Walking on eggshells makes it feel like every little issue is a huge deal, on which rides the success or failure of the family.
Watching out for this law can help you keep things in perspective.
The law of loyalty.
I've yet to work with a family where this wasn't eventually a powerful issue. Just consider the situation above. We've got four kids, all in various stages of recovering from the trauma of divorce or perhaps death, coming together into a new family and developing new relationships and loyalties. Yet they still have loyalties to their previous families. This is hard enough for adults to figure out, much less children.
It's like what a 10-year-old boy in a family I once worked with said: "How can I love Daddy and Jim (stepfather) at the same time?"
The law of permission.
Here's one answer to the loyalty dilemma. As much as possible, even though it can be incredibly difficult, it's crucial that kids have permission from as many of the adults as possible to form new and loving ties with members of the new family.
The law of step, part 1.
A parent once told me he didn't like the word step because it implied less of a connection between the family members. As this father put it, "While I am not the biological father of two of our children, I am a father and dad to them. And they may be the biological children of my wife, but they are also my children."
The law of step, part 2.
As a mother of a blending family once told me, "Yeah, we're a stepfamily - we're going to be taking lots of steps together."
Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring .
The Best and Worst of Motherhood
Until the moment I became a mother, I couldn't quite understand or comprehend the depth when people say "Mothers are the strongest, most noble and loving people in this whole wide world" It's just a whole bunch of cliché stuff that I could live without, thank you very much!The pain. The joy.
This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist, and father.The following suggestions will be useful for any parent or caregiver who wants to improve their relationships with their children.
From Go Fast Kids to Calm Kids
How excited do kids get with the start of school approaching? Getting kids to go from the freedom of school holidays to move to that place of being settled and ready for school can be a challenge for some parents. Many children now days are identified as being ADD and ADHD I call these kids "go fasts" and the transition from holidays to school can be a bit more of a challenge for these kids.
How Fathers Can Step Up to Fathering
When our oldest son was 2, my wife went out of town for a weekend. When a friend of hers called and I told her she was out of town, she said"So you're home baby-sitting.
Develop Your Childs Genius: Improving Concentration and Focus
Some people can concentrate on an assignment, to the exclusion of all distractions around them. My husband, who is an avid reader, can sit at a public place and read, no matter how much noise exists around him.
There are moments in a parent's or grandparent's life, when they receive validation for the way they are living, or, have lived, that life. These moments are usually quiet ones, with no fanfare celebrating the occasion.
The Old and the New
During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents young Michael cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving.
Parenting Confidence - Who Needs It?
It used to strike me as odd - but really, it makes perfect sense.If you are a regular flier, or have flown recently, you'll know what I mean.
Want To Further Your Childrens Studies?
Being in a competitive world, the lowest qualification to secure a good job is a degree. However, a degree subject may be perceived as too general and the acquisition of a specialist skill through professional courses or a post graduate program may help improve employment prospects.
Identifying Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder in the Classroom: Eight Things Teachers Should
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is the phrase that is used to describe children who have significant problems with high levels of distractibility or inattention, impulsiveness, and often with excessive motor activity levels. There may be deficits in attention and impulse control without hyperactivity being present.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Results of the Spanking Poll on Rexanne.com: Voters - 233Percentage of readers who do not spank their children: 37%Percentage of readers who spank their children: 62%~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I am completely opposed to spanking.
Helping Your Child Cope With A Long-Term Illness
All children will likely have many different health problems during infancy and childhood: the flu, chicken pox, broken bones, stitches, ear infections, to name a few. For most children, these problems are mild - they come and go without incident and with little disruption in a child's daily life or routine.
The Secret, Unconscious Game Children and Parents Play Where No One Wins!
Did you know there's a game children and parents play all the time and yet, neither of them knows about it? This article discusses this unconscious, no-win game children play with their unknowing parents; how points get scored; why the game isn't a good thing to play, and how parents can stop the game.I wish I could tell you the name of the game.
Raising a Violent-Free Teen in 10 Easy Steps
The disquieting behavior of teenagers in the 21st century, is being hailed by experts as a disturbing trend among troubled youth. Such an interpretation may be factual, but mental heath advocates maintain there are guidelines parents can utilize before problems reach the critical stage.
Let's Google and Yahoo Our Kids' Education
I love Google and Yahoo. With Google and Yahoo I can search the Internet on any subject that interests me, at any time day or night, in the comfort of my home.
Surviving As A Single Parent: Seven Simple Suggestions To Make Your Life Easier
1 - Forgive even if you will never be able to Forget -Let go of grudges you may hold against your child's other parent, who is absent from BOTH of your lives. Holding onto feelings of anger will not change your situation and will probably consume a great deal of your energy - energy you need to devote to creating a positive environment for your child.
Helping Your Children Develop Their Self-Discipline
We want our children to do the right thing, especially when they are out with their friends. We want to believe in them, but somehow, we don't feel certain that they would.
Defrazzle with a Hearty Guffaw
"The best blush to use is laughter: It put roses in your cheeks and in your soul."Linda KnightWe all know the old adage that "Laugher is the best medicine" - but what does that mean, actually?Well, research has shown that laughing can help in:* Lowering blood pressure* Reducing stress hormones* Increasing muscle flexibility* Boosting immune function* Triggering the release of endorphins, the body's natural painkillers* Producing a general sense of well-being.
Making Internet Chat Safe For Your Children
No matter what you say or do, your kids will chat and use IM (instant messengers) over the internet. That's a given.
What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?
Q. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"A.
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