List Categories | List All Articles | List Articles By Title
Use Encouragement Instead of Criticism to Help Children Improve
Criticism is punitive
Our children judge themselves on the opinions we have of them. When we use harsh words, demeaning adjectives or a sarcastic tone of voice, we literally strip a child's core of self-confidence and make them less likely to try to please us.
Studies have shown that verbal abuse is more likely than physical abuse to damage children's self esteem.
Not only does it damage their soul, it is counter productive to cooperation and lasting change.
Encouragement is uplifting
Encouragement is the process of focusing on your children's assets and strengths in order to build their self-confidence and feelings of worth.
Parents need to convey though words and gestures that we appreciate their efforts and improvement, not just their accomplishments. We need to make sure they understand that our love and acceptance is not dependent on their behavior or winning the prize in soccer.
Positive correction that changes behavior
A very effective way of communicating is create a verbal Encouragement Sandwich:
1 Start off with a slice of the bread of life. For example, "I really admire the way you are learning to take better care of your things."
2. Next, add a little mayo spread lightly, "I felt happy when I saw you hang up your new jacket last night."
3. Then, the slice of sharp cheese, "However, I noticed you left your bike outside in the rain again."
4. On top of the cheese, a little spicy mustard to catch their attention, "Please put it away every night or we will have to lock it up for a week each time it is left out.".
5. Finally, another slice of bread, "All in all, you are a responsible kid and I have confidence you will choose to take better care of your bike."
Do they get the message of the mistake of leaving the bike out? Yes, but it is not by attacking them personally and this method of correction gives them an incentive to do better.
Nurturing better behavior
Some parents and care givers, particularly those who did not receive much love or encouragement in their childhoods, often fail to see the importance of nurturing the inner core of a child. The sad part of this is that encouragement and kind feedback will bring about positive change, whereas criticism brings about rebellion, anger and loss of self worth.
Zig Ziglar, an internationally known motivational speaker, has said "When we have positive input, we have positive output, and when we have negative input, we have negative output."
As a parent educator, mother and grandmother, may I suggest that you need to be very careful of the words you choose to motivate your children?
It helps if you break up the word to read "en" courage, which means giving a gift of courage: the courage to keep trying, to keep up the good work, to focus on next time and not give up. This courage helps the child realize that they can make mistakes and they will still be loved and valued. Where as "dis" courage or criticism takes away the courage to try new things or work harder for fear of getting in trouble and displeasing the adults.
What choices could you make next time?
Help the child and yourself recognize that mistakes are never final and frequently we get a "do-over" or a second chance. The past is done; we can learn from it and then focus on the future
For a listing of encouraging words and phrases, please check out the website www.ArtichokePress.com.
Thank you for doing a great job
Those of you working with children on a daily basis do the most important work in the world. I applaud your efforts and "en" courage you to choose your words carefully when you want the children you care for to improve their behavior. Words have the power to build up or destroy. As caring adults the goal is to strengthen the character of the child as well as get the jackets, bikes, toys, etc. picked up on a consistent basis.
© 2005 Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator
This article was written by Judy Wright, parent educator and author. Feel free to use it in your newsletter or publication, but please give full credit to the author and mention the contact information of JudyWright@ArtichokePress.com, 406-549-9813.
You will find a full listing of books, tapes, newsletters and workshops available on finding the heart of the story in the journey of life by going to www.ArtichokePress.com
My Stomach Hurts - I Cant Go to School Today!
It's the third time this week that Sam has complained of a headache or Shaundra has an upset stomach. Daniel cries before leaving school and Tanya won't get out of the car upon arrival to the school parking lot.
Every Mom Worries
Sitterphobe "I never have a second to myself," this mother tells you (and tells you and tells you). You agree, judging by her slightly frazzled demeanor, that she could use a break.
The Long Journey Home
Once upon a time, I thought I had it all. I had a child, a career, the world at my feet.
Unschooling - the Benefits of Home Based Education
Home schooling benefits children. As a parent, I feel it is important to provide the best opportunities available to my children.
How to Parent Your Teen Effectively
Maintain CommunicationEven though teens need to separate from their parents during adolescence, they also need to know that the safety net of home and family is always there for them. If the lines of communication are shut down, they are not yet capable of surviving emotionally; they need support and input.
The Ten Things That Successful Parents Do
1. They are leaders as well as parents.
Where Will YOUR Kids Get A Job?
Let's face it.The job market is getting tougher every day.
Five Easy Steps to Picking the Perfect Baby Name
One of the few decisions you'll make during pregnancy that will, in fact, last throughout your child's lifetime is the choice of your baby's name. (Unlike, for example, your choice of stroller or whether to use Lamaze or hypnosis to ease labor pains.
Late Night Adventures with Your Children
Vacations are fun ! Weekends with the family are nice. But, Late Night Adventures are "simply marvelous".
Creating Great Birthday Party Videos
My son recently had his third birthday party and it was mayhem. There were kids all over the place doing all sorts of funny things with parents following them around trying to prevent the next catastrophe.
Gifted Children - Getting the Balance Right
One of the challenges for parents with a gifted child is to encourage them to develop a range of interest outside the academic sphere that not only rounds them out but stops them from being isolated from their peers Gifted children are a diverse group of kids who are talented in specific areas such as mathematics, language, sport or music. Some gifted kids are mutli-talented excelling in a variety of areas.
Patterns For Plus Size Children
Plus size children and overweight children need patterns and clothing that fit THEIR "larger than average" measurements. Sadly, neither ready made clothing nor commercial patterns address the real issue of children's measurements.
An Overview of Alternative Treatments for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Since so many would rather avoid the use of stimulant medications for the treatment of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder if possible, a growing need for the development of alternative treatments for ADD ADHD has developed over the past twenty years. Although there are many products that claim to help any child with ADD ADHD, the truth is that there are only a few non-medication treatments for attention deficit disorder that have actually undergone even the simplest of clinical trials.
Back to School - Disappontment?
Our back-to-school buying habits do not help kids succeed in the classroom!Parents are buying new book bags, school clothes, tennis shoes, notebooks, pens, etc., with the mistaken belief that this will help their child succeed in school.
Get Down (On The Floor!) And Play With Your Children
When was the last time you and your kids rolled around on the floor together laughing yourselves silly? If you're like me, it may have been a while! Sometimes I get caught up in household chores, give errands a priority or answer the phone when I know I should let it ring, instead of making time for my two daughters. It's not that I don't play with them; just the opposite is true.
When you think about it, probably the one thing that our children need most in order to grow up feeling loved, happy, and empowered enough to give of themselves to others is our commitment to them as parents. Our children must know that we have made a commitment to them and we must demonstrate that commitment constantly.
Your Big Yellow Bus
The big yellow school bus is coming down my road again. The neighborhood kids seem happy.
First Year With Twins - A Father's Point Of View
People always ask my wife and I: "How did you ever do it with two babies? I just can't imagine it". My answer is always the same?we just do.
When Everybody Does It Comes Back to Haunt You
Parental example, whether for good or for bad, is undoubtedly the most powerful influence on a child's moral and social development. If we are to succeed at all in bringing up our children in the way we want them to grow up, we have to be mindful of this day and night.
Is Your Child Having Trouble in School?
Did you know that the school system is only able to meet 50% of student learning needs?That's right! - only 50% of the student population is in an environment at school which enables them to be successful learners.The reason for this is not because of bad teachers.
home | site map
All articles are copyright to their owners.
Note: this website lists articles, We do not Write Articles !